Was It the Chocolate Pudding?
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Illustrated by Bryan Langdo
Children's book review by Steve Barancik
Our divorce is not YOUR fault, honey!
Ages 2-6
Placing myself in the mindset of divorced parent, I had the eerie feeling while reading Was It the Chocolate Pudding? that this book was not aimed at my child, but at me.
The book is written in the voice of the older of two young children of divorce. And this boy spends most of the book getting it wrong...or at least that's what I'm hoping. He thinks that the cause of his parents' divorce is the pre-dawn pudding he brought to his little brother one morning, and the resultant mess.
After all, that pudding did seem to precipitate the fight that led to Mommy leaving!
So yes, as you read Was It the Chocolate Pudding? as a grown-up, you'll be wanting to leap into the book in order to comfort this poor child. "Sweetie, it wasn't you! It was your unfaithful mother! It was your abusive father! Whatever it was, it wasn't you!"
Well, any picture book that engages me to that extent is definitely doing something right.
Of course, the book's real audience is children, and Levins' intent is clearly to provide a conversation starter. You may think that your child has no misconceived guilt feelings about your divorce, but you're likely wrong. Therapists tell us that many children feel guilt about their parents' divorce.
After all, you've probably been very vague with them about the real reasons for your divorce. They're just filling in the blanks. And since children tend to feel like the center of the universe...
Of course the divorce must be their fault. Your job is to disabuse them of this notion, and Was It the Chocolate Pudding? is the perfect tool for the job.
After the story's over (and your kids are in bed), turn to the last three pages of the book, which come courtesy of clinical psychologist Jane Annunziata. These pages really are aimed at parents. Pithy paragraphs with the following headings:
- Explaining separation and divorce to children
- Helping your child cope
- Feelings of confusion and lack of comprehension
- Feelings of anxiety
- Feelings of loss and sadness
- Loss of control
- Feelings of anger
- Regression and acting out
- Loyalty conflicts and caretaking
- On healing and recovery
Worth reading.
Even if you're confident that your children don't feel your divorce is their fault, it's worth checking...repeatedly. And Was It the Chocolate Pudding?: A Story For Little Kids About Divorce
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