Bibliotherapy And Your Child's Behavior Problem

It's time to put the finishing touches on your child's behavior book

Welcome back. Let's get started.

Special note to search engine visitors

If you just arrived at this child's behavior problem page:

The people on this page are parents who followed my instructions on writing a children's picture book meant to actually improve one of their child's problem behaviors. It's a process called Bibliotherapy.

IIf you'd like to try writing a similar book in hopes of improving your child's problem behavior, here's the page to get started:

How To Write A Children's Behavior Book

If you'd like to learn a little more about Bibliotherapy first, here's that page:

Using Bibliotherapy To Address Your Child's Behavior Problem.

When we were last together, you completed the first draft of your child's behavior book.

Are you proud of yourself? You should be.

Now it's time to improve your book through rewriting. Writing a book is like anything else. There's always room for improvement.

The first thing you should do is go back to the Children's Behavior Book page and reread it.

I know. It was long. But it was your guide for the book you have in front of you. Before rewriting, you should probably refresh yourself on what makes for a good children's story.

To be good bibliotherapy, your child's behavior book has to be a compelling read for your child.

You expect your child to do his or her chores, right? Rereading the page is your chore and I'm afraid it's time for you to do it. Then come right back. Okay?

Children's Behavior Book refresher

Welcome back again!

Okay. You'll remember that on the Children's Behavior Book page I referred to the story of Balooga. If you think it would help you to read a pictureless picture book I wrote using the same format you just used, then here's the link:

(The book starts on the 2nd page. You'll need Adobe PDF software.)

The Time Balooga Forgot Other People's Feelings

When I wrote Balooga, I was trying to help my child with a particular behavior problem. Talking to her about it didn't seem to be making an impact. Telling her a story about another child with the same behavior problem did make an impact.

(I only found out after the fact that I'd just engaged in Bibliotherapy.)

My daughter was enthralled

She was so taken by my oral telling of the Balooga story that she kept asking me to tell it again and again!

Why was she so into it? Because she was identifying with the character. After all, here was another little girl struggling with the same behavior problem my daughter was struggling with!

By the way...

...if your child is experiencing any troubles with cooperative play, I have no objection to your using Balooga!

But I'm getting distracted. Let's get back to making your behavior book the best it can be.

Your Child's Behavior Book - Writing Is REwriting

Let's get down to it. If writing is rewriting, then rewriting is rereading. Time to reread your book.

Some people like to do this on the computer. Some people like to do it on hard copy.

Your Child's Behavior Book - Hint

If you're going to rewrite on computer, you should probably save a new copy of your behavior book. Name this new one 2nd draft, and don't dispose of the 1st draft. If you don't like your changes, or you make a mistake, you can always go back to the 1st draft.

If you're going to rewrite on hard copy, print a lot of space between the lines so you have room to scribble.

Your Child's Behavior Book - Writing Is REwriting, continued

Reread your book. Feel free to fix typos and make tiny changes. However...

If you see things you don't like that require more substantial rewriting, just mark them somehow so you know to come back on your second read-through. Right now you're just trying to reacquaint yourself with your pictureless picture book.

How's it look? Hopefully it looks pretty good... and pretty not so good.

Pretty good because you're impressed with a lot of what you did. Pretty not so good because now you're seeing things that you know need improvement.

I am not going to try to list all the things that could be making your book less than perfect. (No book, by the way, is perfect, so don't feel you have to shoot for that.)

What I want you to do is use your lifelong experience as a reader and apply it to your writing. Which parts of your behavior book sing? Which parts of your behavior book clunk?

On your second read-through, do your best to fix the parts that clunk. And don't be too hard on yourself. Remember:

1. You're just a beginner at this
2. Your child is just a beginner too. (S)he doesn't have lifelong experience as a reader. (S)he is probably going to think your book is just terrific.

Take your time with this. It's up to you how many changes you make.

The only thing I ask of you is that, when you're done, you can look back and honestly say that this draft is significantly better than your first.

Come back when you've read through twice and completed your rewriting, okay?

Your Child's Behavior Book - The Title

You're doing great. You're getting closer. Here's something easy. Now that your book is in pretty much its final shape - assuming you're satisfied with it - you can title it.

If you picked a fun name for your hero, include it in the title. What I wouldn't include is any description of your child's behavior problem that inspired the book.

"What Happened When Billy Leaned Back In His Chair Exactly Like His Mom Told Him Not To" is not a great title to choose for your child's behavior book. We don't want your kid's defenses going up!

Here's a better direction to go in...

Did you know that one of the appeals of fiction - in any form, for any audience - is that it lets us experience danger and distress vicariously?

Lots of people go to the movies, for instance, to experience the thrills of a different lifestyle or an outlandish adventure - one we would never dare take on ourselves.

That's why, when you were writing your child's behavior book, I kept talking about escalation.

Keep this same concept in mind when entitling your book. How about a title that captures the thrills contained in your book?

"The Time Balooga Lost All Her Friends."

Or you could choose an empowering title, like,

"The Reason Sonora REFUSES To Sleep In Her Parents' Room."

I always like to come up with at least three or four possible titles before I choose one.

Take a few minutes to settle on a title for your child's behavior book, then...

Your Child's Behavior Book - The Illustrations

When I conjured up Balooga for my daughter and she kept asking me to tell the story again and again, I got the bright idea of putting it to paper.

Then I got the bright idea of illustrating it. Then I got the even brighter idea of not illustrating it.

Why not illustrating it?

Well, firstly, because I can't draw. But secondly, and more importantly, so my daughter could illustrate it. I figured the more time she spent with Balooga, the better she would learn Balooga's message!

Turns out my gut instinct was right! Repetition is one of the most important components of learning. The more your child chooses to expose himself or herself to your book, the more effective the bibliotherapy.

Your Child's Behavior Book - The Illustrations, continued

One reason I love this project is that because even if the book ends up not working as bibliotherapy, when your child illustrates it it becomes something you did together, as equals. You the writer, (s)he the illustrator. I suspect your child will take a lot of pride in that.

I know mine did.

Now here's something that never dawned on me until this project, and for that I'm embarrassed. (It's because I always put too heavy an emphasis on text and not enough on visuals.)

The point at which you break off each page and go to the next is important in a picture book.

You don't want so many words on the page that they describe a number of colorful scenes. How disappointing then that there will be room for only one picture!

And you don't want the text so short that the illustrations will pretty much keep repeating themselves because you keep describing different parts of the same scene.

The best picture book - whether illustrated by a professional or drawn by your child - will have page breaks that leave one vivid scene to be described on each page. Makes sense, huh?

And this brings up one more thing...

Your Child's Behavior Book - The Settings

At the risk of urging you to do more rewriting, I should tell you this:

A more colorful story results if you vary your settings. For instance, if you have two scenes taking place in sandboxes, you might consider trying to set one of them on a swingset!

Your Child's Behavior Book - "Publishing" Your Children's Book

Are you done? Then you're ready to print. The easiest thing to do is make each page an 8 1/2" x 11" page. Put your text at top or bottom. Remember the page breaks you thought out.

Consider using card stock for the title page and the last page, to increase durability.

Claim your authorship with a big "Written By" somewhere before you start the story. Most importantly, put in an even bigger "Illustrated By," leaving space for your child to print his or her name.

Staple. Now read this:

Using Your Child's Behavior Book As Bibliotherapy

Here are some hints that worked for me with my child.

1) Make sure you haven't harped on the behavior with your child for at least a couple days.

2) Introduce the behavior book to your child as a gift from you, which is what it is. Do not introduce the book as having some special message for your child.

(Your child probably isn't any happier with the behavior problem than you are. For the story to properly resonate, your child needs to identify with the character in your behavior book ON HIS OR HER OWN.)

3) Introduce your child's behavior book as a special kind of picture book - one that you wrote and in which your child will make the pictures!!! This will be a book that both of you created.

(These should be exciting notions. Your child will probably be impressed that you wrote a book. Illustrating a book is exciting too.)

4) Show your child the "Illustrated By" page, where they'll be able to write their name and take full credit!

5) Now read the book to your child. Tell your child to picture the story in his/her head so he/she can draw it later.

Warning: Your child might be completely enthralled or you might get an initial reaction that is less than you hoped. Your child's interest may wane during reading - not because your behavior book isn't any good but because there are not yet any pictures to engage your child. Or it could be that your child has sensed your agenda.

Your job is to read with enthusiasm and wonder. Read with a sense of "Wow! Can you believe this?"

6) If your child disengages because of having sensed or suspected your agenda, back off and be okay with it. Offer to stop reading. Let your child make the decision. Defenses may be up now, but that doesn't mean they won't come down some day in the future.

7) If you finish reading, you can ask your child now or later whether and when they want to illustrate the book. Illustrating the child's behavior book is not an assignment. It should be done when the child feels like doing it, and should not be done all at once.

(Why? Because you want your child coming back to the book again and again. Repetition is the key to learning.)

8) If your child identifies with the child's behavior book character, he/she will be excited about illustrating and open to more readings of the story, or will even suggest it.

I'm going to repeat myself, because this is such an important point. Some children push the book aside. This can happen if they sense your agenda, or if the subject matter is just too sore a subject right now.

Back off but don't give up. Keep the child's behavior book handy and available to your chile. (S)he might come back to it on his/her own, or they might be more receptive at some later date when you suggest it.

9) If your child is receptive, every time s(he) sits down to illustrate the book is another repetition of the story's message. If (s)he is not yet old enough to read the text, then you'll be able to read them the text for each page and discuss how to illustrate it.

Your child's desire to read the book or have it read to them will now likely increase still further, due to their own pride in their contribution. Your job is to say how impressed you are with the wonderful illustrations.

10) Your only other job is to make sure the book doesn't get lost or overly damaged. When your child has free time, make illustrating the "Children's Behavior Book" one of the options. When your child wants to be read to, make reading the book one of the options.

11) If the book is working you're likely to see mild to impressive changes in behavior quickly, hopefully improving still further with time.

You're also likely to hear the themes of the book become part of your child's dialogue. My daughter often notes commonality between the events of her life and those in the child's behavior book. If you start to hear your child referencing the book or the character, you can bet it's working.

Your child is learning.

Your Child's Behavior Book - Farewell

Okay, I'm leaving you now. Frankly, I wish I could be there the first time you read your new book to your child. But I'll settle for the next best thing. I'm putting a form below that allows you to tell me (and the world) about your experience. (If you want to wait until you present the book to your child, then bookmark and come back. )

What was your experience?

Did you write a story for your child and then have your child illustrate it? Please tell everyone what happened. In detail!

Congratulate this person on their extraordinary parenting effort!

See what others who have read this account have said.

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